


drowning lessons

by kinneret



Series: tides and constellations [1]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Best Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Angst, Oblivious Nerds, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinneret/pseuds/kinneret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts easily, comfortably—so smoothly that at first neither of them realizes it's happening. A smirk here, a wink there, and always those luminous eyes. Sometimes the cozy reddish brown of hazelnuts, sometimes the deep dark brown of newly-brewed Turkish coffee, always kindled with a spark of kindness that makes warmth blossom through Finn's chest. The gentle smile, equal parts bashful and incandescent, that graces Sami's face every time they greet one another. The random brush of fingertips on those occasions where they sit so close to each other that the air seems to disappear between them, leaving Finn breathless. And on days off when the Florida heat sticks to their clothes, the warmth and smell of sunlight on skin dappled with new freckles makes him close his eyes and inhale deeply, until the base notes of cardamom that he's come to associate with Sami are the only thing left. </p>
<p>Yeah, Finn is utterly and completely fucked, and he's not quite sure how he let this happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i stared as this moment was held for me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asailoratheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asailoratheart/gifts), [dahdeemohn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dahdeemohn/gifts).



> (Title from the My Chemical Romance song of the same name. Bonus points if you spot the references to it within the chapters, aside from the lyrics in the titles.)

It starts easily, comfortably—so smoothly that at first neither of them realizes it's happening. A smirk here, a wink there, and always those luminous eyes. Sometimes the cozy reddish brown of hazelnuts, sometimes the deep dark brown of newly-brewed Turkish coffee, always kindled with a spark of kindness that makes warmth blossom through Finn's chest. The gentle smile, equal parts bashful and incandescent, that graces Sami's face every time they greet one another. The random brush of fingertips on those occasions where they sit so close to each other that the air seems to disappear between them, leaving Finn breathless. The sound of Sami's laughter, sometimes quiet and intimate and sometimes loud and carefree, but always the soundtrack to their days together. And on days off when the Florida heat sticks to their clothes, the warmth and smell of sunlight on skin dappled with new freckles makes him close his eyes and inhale deeply, until the base notes of cardamom that he's come to associate with Sami are the only thing left. 

Yeah, Finn is utterly and completely fucked, and he's not quite sure how he let this happen.

He has spent years building walls to protect himself; years creating a public persona that is the face he shows to the world. In the ring, the Demon: fierce and untamed. In the Performance Center, Finn aka Devitt: talented, focused, mentoring. On social media—and often in his personal life—Finn: nerdy, sweet, engaged with fandom and the world at large. He has kept a distance between that Finn and his inner self, the one he still called Fergal; the one that was around before wrestling and will be around after. Quiet, introverted, observant, sometimes neurotic—and not a person he often shares with people. 

But somehow, somewhere between studying Sami to learn more about him and growing comfortable with the man he now calls his best friend, Finn has stopped keeping Sami at arm's length and turned right on the road of wanting _more_... and now he feels stuck. _Go to jail, do not pass GO, do not collect 200,_ he murmurs to himself, staring at the Monopoly board on the table before him with a sigh. 

"I know you're supposed to strategize, Finn, but we're going to be here all day," Sami says quietly, almost tentative, and Finn shakes his head. 

"I'll pass," he blurts out, his voice just a shade off from even, and he can hear the frown in Sami's voice as he replies.

"Okay, so we'll put it up for auction." 

Finn looks up then, eyes widening enough to dispel the usual guardedness of his hooded gaze. "Are we really following that rule?"

Sami nods solemnly, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "We're playing official rules, here." 

"That's funny, that," he replies with a smirk, "seeing as the money under Free Parking says we're playing house rules." 

"Don't be petty," Sami warns, his Canadian accent almost a drawl, but his eyes are full of mirth. 

Finn sighs, shaking his head slightly to increase the dramatic effect. "Right, then, let's have it, auctioneer." 

There's something sharp in Finn's voice—he hears it while the words are still tumbling out of mouth—but neither of them gets to address it before Bayley lets herself into the apartment, her voice a bright song. 

"Still playing, boys?" 

"Struggling," Finn admits, then shakes his head, letting his smile widen and brighten his expression. "Have you come to rescue me?"

"I'm always here for knights in distress," Bayley says graciously, handing Finn a to-go mug. "And today I am here to save you from yourselves and spring you out of Monopoly jail." 

Sami blinks at her even as he accepts his own beverage. "This sounds like a Carmella idea." 

"I will neither confirm nor deny this," Bayley replies solemnly, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. "So, are we going?" 

Sami looks at Finn for a cue, eyebrows drawn together slightly—but enough for Finn to get the message. He wants to say _no_ , wants to stay home with Sami like he knows Sami wants him to, but the words don't come out. He suddenly feels like he's going to explode out of his skin; he's hot and cold all at once, and he knows that if he doesn't do something right now he's going to choke on his own words.

"Yes," he says, jumping to his feet. "Let's go." Bayley beams at him, taking the hand he offers, and Finn pretends that he can't feel Sami's eyes on his skin even as Bayley leads them both towards the door. Sami closes the door behind them, the click of the lock loud in Finn's ears, and Finn feels himself wince slightly when his hands brushes Sami's as he takes his keys. Finn slips his keys into his pocket before waving back at Carmella, who is leaning against Cass' SUV with a bright smile and waving them over. The plan is simple, she informs them as they pile into Cass' SUV to join Enzo and Cass: grab some lunch, drive out to the coast, waste some time. No thinking or talking about work. "A true day off," Enzo announces as they start shuffling into the car, and he doesn't stop talking until they've finished their lunch and they're standing around in the parking lot to give the food some time to settle. 

At the first lull in the conversation, Finn steps away from the group and pulls out his phone, thumbing through his Twitter feed with unseeing eyes. He doesn't need to turn around to recognize the shuffling steps on the gravel, and he takes a deep breath before turning around and offering Sami a gentle smile. 

"Are we okay?" Sami asks after a moment, the crease between his eyebrows deepening as he frowns at him. Finn wants to reach out and smooth it out; he wants to tangle his hands in Sami's hair and hold his face and tell him that they're more than okay—but he doesn't. 

"We're fine," he says, squeezing Sami's shoulder. "I'm just being a weirdo." Finn drops his hand then, moving it to hold his own elbow. He can feel his shoulders hunching and he tries to straighten them, but Sami's gaze is too distracting so Finn looks away, his eyes hovering somewhere beside Sami's head. 

Sami's frown deepens even further—Finn hates that he can tell even in his peripheral vision—but he sighs in what Finn recognizes as resignation. "Okay. But, you know, I'm... I'm here, Finn." 

Finn swallows hard, letting his eyes close. "I know, Sami. Just need some time." 

A peal of laughter attracts both of their attention, and they can look over to see Carmella and Bayley chasing each other down the length of the parking lot while Enzo eggs them on. Cass rolls his eyes and reaches out, plucking Carmella out of Bayley's path and holding her up so Bayley can't reach her. The laughter increases as Enzo begins tickling Bayley, and for a moment they are all over-sized children and nothing seems complicated anymore. 

*** 

Once they've reached the coast, they all stumble out of the SUV and start walking towards the water. Finn chats idly with Bayley and Carmella for a few minutes before slipping away as soon as Enzo starts talking to them, and he finds a bench close to the water where he can listen to the waves and watch the ships. He hears Sami begin to approach him twice, and tries to will his shoulders to release their tension, but he must fail because Sami never gets closer than a few feet on either attempt. Finn is equal parts relieved and disappointed, and he's so focused on the words he's prepared for Sami that he completely misses someone else's approach. 

"You're harshing our buzz," Carmella informs him as she drops down on the bench next to him. "Enzo says you're being a hater." 

"Enzo always says that," Finn replies, leaning back into the bench and tilting slightly away from her. 

She shifts, leaning into the other side of the bench to give him space, her quiet hum the only sound either of them hears other than the waves. Finn loves days like this, when they drive out to Cape Canaveral and sit by the water. If he closes his eyes and gets close enough to the water to get sprayed, he can almost forget the heat and pretend he's back home, and his mind's eye supplies the Bray Head in its expected spot on the horizon. But they're not close enough to the water today, and it's too hot, and his mouth feels like it's full of ash, as if Cape Canaveral was its namesake sugar cane field being burned before the harvest. 

"Is there anything I can do?" Carmella asks after a long silence, her voice quiet and almost tender. 

Finn turns to her, startled. "No, I'm fine, I..."

One of her impeccable eyebrows rises steadily towards her hairline, but she still doesn't turn to meet his eyes. "You don't have to lie to me, honey. Or to yourself." 

He can feel his throat constricting, his eyes burning, and he looks back at the water. "I'm working through something," he says finally, his voice becoming stronger with every word. "I just need time." 

Carmella smiles, sliding closer to bump their shoulders together. "That's all you have to say, stud. I'll keep these assholes entertained. No promises about Bayley or Sami, though—you know how they mother hen." 

Finn feels his mouth curve into a smile that tastes a little like relief and a lot like gratitude. "Yeah, I know." She's already begun to walk back to the others, with Finn looking over his shoulder to follow the motion, when he finds his words again. "Carmella? Thanks." 

She smiles again—not the cocky in-ring smile but the sweet smile she sees her throw in Cass' direction when she thinks no one else is looking. "You know I've got you." 

Finn watches her walk away, a soft smile answering hers, and the weight on his chest feels settled, solid—but at least he can breathe again. 

***

The Cove is everything Finn wishes it wasn't—loud, rowdy, and full of people—but it has nice shops and is Enzo's favorite place for dinner when they're out there since there are so many options. They end up following Enzo into one of the many restaurants with a shrug, with Cass clearing the way for them with his sheer size. The minute they approach a table, Bayley and Sami bracket Finn, and Carmella distracts her boys for a moment so that the Bayley can claim the booth side for the rest of them. She slides into the booth and smiles up at Finn, patting the seat next to him, and Finn follows with a relaxed smile. As he settles next to her, he looks up at Sami, his expression still open—and Sami smiles brightly and slides into the booth after him. 

"Feeling a little better?" he asks quietly, hopefully, as he picks at the napkin in front of him. 

Finn nods, his eyes following the motion of Sami's hands. "Been thinking a lot. Things are more settled, now."

"Settled is good," Sami murmurs back, his expression unreadable, and Finn bumps their shoulders together. 

"Thanks, Sami. You're a fine fella."

Sami's expression lightens, a soft smile on his mouth, and Finn feels like every nerve in his body is on fire. The feeling remains throughout dinner as Carmella and Bayley keep the conversation from becoming too boisterous for Sami and Finn, helping them maintain their comfortable bubble. When Carmella smacks Enzo lightly on the back of the head for talking with his mouth full, Sami catches Finn's eye and they look at each other for a long moment, grinning, before Finn bumps his shoulder again. Sami's smile widens as he bumps Finn back, and they stay like that, just a hair too close, all the way to dessert. 

"Split some ice cream with me?" Bayley asks playfully, batting her eyelashes at Finn. 

"You know I'm not much on sweets, love."

Bayley pouts. "Then how can you handle Sami? He's bound to give you cavities!" 

Finn laughs, startled, and when he feels Sami shift next to him he reaches out and places a gentle hand on Sami's knee, squeezing in reassurance. "That's different, Bay. He's part of a balanced diet." 

Carmella's laughter is bright and loud, setting the tone for the rest of the table to respond. As the laughter subsides, Carmella immediately begins wondering which food groups each of them represents, and the rest of dinner—or, rather, Bayley and Enzo's dessert time—goes by with lively discussion. Finn feels the way the tension drains out of Sami's thigh under his hand, and as the conversation continues he tells himself that he wants to pull his hand away, but he doesn't until it's time for them to get out of the booth. As they head back to the car, they have decided that Bayley is fruits, Finn is vegetables, Enzo's grains, Cass is protein, and Carmella's dairy... and the sharp weight on Finn's chest has dissolved into warmth, spreading across his body as he folds himself into the small seat in the SUV's trunk for the drive back.

Sami sits in the backseat with Bayley and Carmella, but he turns around and chats with Finn every so often, his voice quiet and gentle. Finn finds his eyes lingering on the crinkly-eyed smile Sami shoots him after he says something particularly funny, and his face must show his fondness because Sami's smile brightens and the eye-contact extends until Finn feels like he's going to burst out of his skin. He wishes that drive was longer, that he could stay like this—close enough to touch Sami but far enough that he's not drowning with the need to reach out. But he knows it can't last, so he savors it as much as he can and works to make Sami laugh until there's nothing else in his head but that clear, dazzling sound.


	2. and then tomorrow we'll do it again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at their apartment, with no friends acting as buffers, the weirdness of the past few weeks comes to a head. Sami arms himself with courage, Finn with resignation, and they finally address the elephant in the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Bonus points if you spot the two Hamilton references in this chapter, since I am 100% Hamiltrash.)

The silence between grows heavy the moment they move away from the car, and the physical distance between them increases with every step they take. Finn digs into his pocket for his keys and hunches over the lock as he opens it, acutely aware of Sami standing just behind him. They sit on the couch in unison, accompanied by identical sighs, and the synchronicity of their every movement makes Finn clench and unclench his hands on his lap so he can try to concentrate on something else. Sami stretches, resting his legs on the coffee table, and Finn can hear his joints creak a little as they settle into the cushions. Sami shifts his feet, sliding the Monopoly board farther away from them, and fiddles with his hands, not looking at Finn.

Finn knows what is happening—Sami is gathering his courage to open the door to a conversation that he knows will be uncomfortable and could be confrontational, but he thinks it is too important to let go. And, for the first time in a long time, Finn feels legitimately _scared._ What if he can't keep his mouth shut? What if the words just topple out of his mouth, uninvited, and he fucks everything up? What if all of this tormenting himself has been for naught and Sami's done with him anyway? What if he has just pushed Sami too far away from himself? 

The silence stretches again, curling its tendrils around them, so Finn closes his eyes and breaks the silence with the only thing he knows to be true. "I'm sorry I'm being such a prick. I just... I feel gone in the head right now, Sami."

"You're not being a prick," Sami replies automatically, linking and unlinking his fingers. "But something's really bothering you and I wish you'd... I wish you'd talk to me."

"I'm trying to deal with it," he grinds out, cracking his knuckles. "Not doing too well, but trying." 

"It's about me, though," Sami says quietly. 

Finn shakes his head. "No, no, Sami, we're..." 

"You've been weird for weeks," he continues in the same flat tone. "You don't look at me the same, and you look away more often, and you've been stuck inside your own head around me." He pauses, as if waiting for a response, but Finn's mouth is dry and no words will come out. He makes a couple of aborted gestures, trying to get himself started, but Sami shakes his head. "If it's something I did, just tell me. _Please._ " 

It's the dejection and fear in that last word that restart Finn's speech, and he's immediately turning to Sami and reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "No, seriously, you haven't done anything. I swear." The tension doesn't leave Sami's shoulders, but he leans a little into Finn's hand, and Finn's throat constricts so much that he wonders how he's going to say anything else. "I'm working through something," he says finally, letting his thumb caress Sami's shoulder. "And I just don't want to drag you into it." 

"But we're friends," Sami says after a moment, his voice small and high. "Right?" 

"You're my best friend," Finn tells him desperately, moving even closer. "That's why I don't want to fuck anything up." 

Sami looks at him then, his gaze desolate. "Then why would you think that I would turn my back on you? That I wouldn't want to help, even if it's just listening?" The pleading note in Sami's voice feels like a slap across Finn's face, and he closes his eyes in an attempt to control himself. "I'm not that guy, Finn," Sami adds, and Finn can feel Sami's gaze running all over his face so he tries to close off his expression, but everything is bubbling over—his lungs feel like they're full of water, and if he doesn't spit it all out then he's going to drown in it. 

"I've done it all arseways, haven't I?" he blurts out, his voice shaking as he pulls his hand away from Sami's shoulder. "I wanted to keep you out of it so I wouldn't upset you, but I did it anyway. I've hurt you anyway." 

Sami turns to him, eyes wide. "I didn't... please don't feel guilty. I'm not trying to upset you. I just... I want to work this out." 

Finn knows he shouldn't open his eyes—he's goddamn defenseless against Sami's pleading gaze—but he does it anyway, and sees Sami's expression crumple even as his own does. Every barrier is buckling all at once, and Finn shudders with the weight of it, bowing his head. "I never thought I would get so close to anyone here," he starts, his voice shaking. "And then you came around, a goddamn ray of sunshine, and I was helpless. You were already very much everything there is to be admired about NXT, and I had my New Japan reputation preceding me, but when you shook my hand that first day we weren't Sami Zayn and Finn Bálor—we were just two lads excited about wrestling. You treated me like I was a person, full stop, from the very first moment. And that's... that's been awesome, Sami, and it's so special. I don't think you understand how special that is in this business sometimes." 

Finn pauses, weighing words in his mouth, and his gaze—firmly planted on the couch cushions—catches a glance of Sami's legs as he rearranges himself to face Finn completely. So he follows suit, sitting sideways on the couch, but he doesn't let his gaze get higher than Sami's chest, his eyes tracing the lettering on his t-shirt. "You're my best friend," he continues after a moment, "and that's fucking awesome, Sami, it really is. But I just... I can no longer pretend I don't want more." He feels Sami flinch and reaches out blindly, curling his hands around Sami's biceps. "No, no, I don't... not more than you, Sami, there's no such thing." He waits until the tension begins to drain from Sami's body before pulling his hands away. "I mean I want more _with_ you, and it's driving me mad." 

His voice breaks at the admission, and he feels himself hunch over as the weight of what he's said hits him. He should feel relief—he knows he should—but instead there's more water in his lungs and breathing is so much more difficult now that the words are out there. He must sound as terrible as he feels because Sami reaches out for his hands, squeezing them to anchor him back to the world, to him. 

"Finn," he says, his voice shaking as much as his hands, "I'm going to need you to define more." An incredulous sob slips past Finn's lips, but Sami squeezes his hands harder. "I need to know we're on the same page and talking about the same thing. _Please._ " 

Finn is shaking as much as Sami's voice is, but he draws courage from Sami's firm but tender hold on his hands and looks up at him, his gaze reverently committing every feature to memory. "I think I'm in love with you," he finally blurts out, closing his eyes. "And I don't know how not to be." 

The recoil he has feared for so long never comes, although Sami is startled enough to loosen his grip on Finn's hands. Finn begins to withdraw his hands and curl into himself, and Sami lets him—but the heat and weight of his gaze in unmistakable as it roams over Finn, and Finn knows that he will never make himself small enough to not feel it. He wants to say something else, anything else, but he can't get any words to form in his head or leave his mouth. 

" _Finn_ ," Sami says after a long moment, his voice still uneven. "Finn, I... can I kiss you?" 

Finn has run through this scenario hundreds of times, envisioning a myriad responses to his confession—which was often much more smoothly planned and delivered than whatever this was—but only in his most desperate hopes had he come anywhere close to this. His eyes open of their own accord to search Sami's face, and Finn is surprised to find that Sami's closer and looking more anxious than expected, his eyebrows furrowed. They stare at each other for a long moment, unblinking, and it's not until Sami shifts a little and murmurs a quiet _please_ that Finn realizes he never answered Sami's question. 

"Yes," he says, almost a hiss. "God, yes." 

He barely manages to catch Sami, who launches himself at him like he's running out of time, and that first kiss is clinging and clashing and awkward and _perfect,_ Finn thinks as they laugh into each other's mouths. He reaches out to cradle Sami's face in his hands, stilling him, and searches his eyes for a long moment before leaning in to kiss him properly, thoroughly, tenderness rushing out of him until they're both melting into one another. 

"Finn," Sami breathes into the small space between them, pressing their foreheads together as he lets his hands slide into Finn's hair, and Finn nuzzles his nose with a smirk and leans in for another kiss, his eyes still closed as he pulls away. "Finn," Sami repeats almost reverently, leaning in for another brush of lips, and Finn pulls him closer, savoring the weight of his own name in Sami's mouth. He shifts to lie flat on the couch and Sami mirrors his movements, adjusting so they're curled up side-by-side facing one another. 

"Finn," Sami whispers again, his hands on Finn's jaw tilting his head upwards so their gazes can meet. There is devotion in Sami's gaze, in the gentle press of his fingertips, and Finn feels bowled over by it. " _Bahebek,_ " Sami whispers as he presses his lips to the corner of Finn's mouth, and Finn shivers breathlessly, his eyes watering. He doesn't need to understand Arabic to know the weight of that word or to feel the adoration behind it, and the moment Sami knows Finn understands is clear when his own face breaks into the bright smile that Finn knows is often just for him. He can feel his face echoing it, but it's surreal—everything about this moment is hazy and dream-like and Finn hopes he never wakes up if it is just a reverie. "If you don't say something I'm going to start wondering if I killed you," Sami murmurs, smirking, and Finn laughs. 

"It would be a worthy death." Sami rolls his eyes, as Finn knew he would. "But no, love, you didn't kill me. I just forgot how to breathe for a bit there."

"Breathing is good," he murmurs, fidgeting, and Finn lets his hands slide across Sami's back to pull him closer. 

"Hey, Sami," he says tenderly, brushing his thumb across Sami's cheekbone. "You and I, we're good, right? This bit is new, and we'll have to figure it out as we go along, but we're good. We're so good."

Finn can hear the lilt rise in his own voice—knows that Sami will recognize it for the nervous tic that it is—but he finds that he doesn't care. He's nervous, and thrilled, and so afraid that this will topple down with a misplaced word or touch, but Sami is leaning into his hand and shifting even closer to him. So he cautiously runs his hands down Sami's sides, eliciting a shiver as he rests them on Sami's waist, and he leans forward tentatively. 

"We're so good," Sami echoes, reassuring them both as he leans right into Finn, and Finn has to smile. Sami chuckles, relaxing in Finn's embrace, and kisses the smile off Finn's mouth and then right back on it again. 

"You're going to get a crick in your neck," Finn admonishes, chasing Sami's mouth for another kiss. 

"I don't care," he replies fervently, cradling the back of Finn's head with his hand. 

"We're supposed to be functional tomorrow," Finn continues, letting his fingertips slide under the hem of Sami's shirt. 

He feels Sami gasp without a sound, and he's about to withdraw his hands and apologize when Sami presses himself so close that Finn forgets how to breathe again, and the only oxygen going to his lungs is that which Sami pours into his mouth in a searing kiss. Finn kisses him back just as fiercely, hands roaming over heated skin, and it's not until Sami makes a small, keening noise into his mouth that he slows his hands down and brings the kiss down to something softer and gentler. 

"It'll keep, Sami," he whispers. "I'm not going anywhere. This'll keep." 

Sami chuckles, dropping his gaze and shifting to give Finn some room. "I know, I know, I'm just... I'm so glad it's not just me feeling this." 

"It's _definitely_ not just you," Finn confirms, pulling one of Sami's hands away from his neck and placing it over his heart. "Feel that? That's all you, Sami." 

His smile is delighted, freckles standing out against the rosiness spreading all over his face, and when he wordlessly pulls one of Finn's hands towards his own heart Finn feels like the entire world has been remade by the rhythm of that hummingbird heart. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't brave before," he murmurs, squeezing Sami's hand where it still rests against his heart. "I upset you, and I kept us both from having this."

Sami lifts Finn's hand from his heart and kisses his wrist, leaving his lips pressed against the pulse point for a moment, then shakes his head. "I don't know that I was ready for this when you started pulling away," he admits softly. "I didn't face it until I thought I might be losing you." 

There is something skittish and unsure in Sami's voice, something Finn knows very well, so he chases it away with gentle brushes of his lips. " _Gráim thú,_ " he whispers as he kisses one of Sami's eyes. " _Je t'aime,_ " he continues as he kisses the other. "I love you," he says against Sami's lips before kissing him sweetly. 

"French, really?" Sami asks after a moment, grinning dazedly at him. 

"I practiced," Finn admits, shrugging a little, but the heat he feels in his face and ears prevents him from playing it off as cool as he tries to.

Sami laughs then, his shoulders shaking as he pulls Finn close. "You are a fucking dork and I love you."

Finn hunches his shoulders, pulling away slightly. "I just wanted to impress you," he says quietly. "I've spent a lot of time trying to, actually—hoping that it would show you what I've been thinking." 

"Finn," Sami interrupts.

"And I'm probably going to keep making more attempts," he continues, "just to prove to you how special you are to me and how much I adore you."

Sami untangles their limbs and sits up, looking at Finn with a mix of nervousness and awe. "But Finn," he says finally, "you didn't have to go out of your way to do anything. I've been gone for you probably since day one." 

Finn chuckles nervously, sitting up as well. "So I didn't just scare you off by doing too much?" 

"You're _Finn,_ " he replies, as if that explains everything. Finn's confusion must show on his face, as Sami grins and ruffles his hair before continuing. "You're the most devoted and intense person I've ever met. You don't do _anything_ halfway, ever. I know what I'm here for and whom I'm here with." 

Finn feels light all of a sudden, and his smile must be as bright as it feels because Sami's answering smile is wide and effervescent and his eyes are that twinkling shade of umber that Finn loves so much. So when Sami rises and offers a trembling hand, Finn knows he will take it and follow Sami wherever—and it shows in his face and his grip and the way he molds himself to Sami when they pull each other close. They stand there for longer than expected, content in an embrace that signals the end of a chapter and the start of something else, something new. He's not sure which way they end up walking, which room they stumble into, or into which bed they drop—but he knows that falling asleep listening to Sami's heartbeat feels like breathing cool air after a long run. 

***

The next day dawns, and the next, and the one after that—and somehow, even though Finn feels made anew, the world outside is the same and the Earth has kept on spinning on its axis. Sami remains as tactile as ever, except the touches linger a bit more now, and they make Finn feel comforted instead of tormented. He sees the incandescent smile much more often, and Sami's less likely to duck his head bashfully and more likely to meet Finn's gaze head on whenever he's teasing. It turns out Sami has a teasing streak too, in more ways than one, and Finn is endlessly delighted to discover this now. He gets to map out the constellations of Sami's freckles with his tongue, and when Sami follows Finn's veins with his mouth, he leaves a trail of fire in his wake. 

Not everything is easy, nothing ever is, but there is something comforting about negotiating boundaries and making space for each other in the nooks where they hadn't previously allowed others to tread. Finn sometimes asks for space, and Sami grants it with a tender goodbye—and receives him with a welcoming embrace when he's ready. Sometimes they're both too anxious for words, so they curl into each other until they fit like puzzle pieces and the noise of the world is but a dull hum in the background. There are days when Finn wonders if this is too good and too much, if drowning in Sami like this will end poorly—but then he feels Sami's hands clinging to him, feels the urgency in his kisses and the tenderness in his touch, and knows that they're both drowning together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I did a thing and now it's out on the Internets~!
> 
> And, um. I may have already planned a companion piece from Sami's POV? And a Finn-centric sequel dealing with Sami's move to the main roster? Which will probably have a companion piece with multiple POVs because of course? :)


End file.
